 "Photo: Ben Hartzell Fourth-year Marketing & Management student")
Here's an updated look at the NFL Power Rankings after week four of the season. Twelve more to go, but these reviews probably aren't going to change much. Some seasons were ruined in eight minutes (a la the Patriots), and some teams are still chasing history. Can St. Louis really lose 16 games? Can Buffalo get to the Super Bowl only to lose another one? Stay tuned to the league where it's okay to propose to a cheerleader on the sideline, but not to keep your job after losing four games.
32. St. Louis Rams - Fire your coach and replace him with a defensive coordinator allowing more than 30 points per game? Really? 31. Detroit Lions - At least something good came from Detroit: Dave Coulier. 30. Houston Texans - Hurricane Ike was the excuse in week two. They don't have one for the other three losses. 29. Cincinnati Bengals - In the words of ESPN's NFL Sunday Countdown: "Welcome to misery city." Zing. 28. Miami Dolphins - Ronnie Brown aside, the Dolphins are MIA in the AFC East. 27. Cleveland Browns - The Dawg Pound? The Browns are the NFL's dog house. 26. Seattle Seahawks - The 12th Man hasn't done much this year. Hussleback to shape, or it's another season down the tubes. 25. Kansas City Chiefs - How on earth did they beat the Broncos? Good luck with the rest of the season, Chief. 24. Oakland Raiders - Al Davis would have a better chance with Ms. Cleo than Lane Kiffin. 23. Atlanta Falcons - Only 247 days until Michael Vick is free ... wait, they've got Matt Ryan. Don't drop the soap, Mike. 22. Minnesota Vikings - Tarvaris Jackson couldn't do it. Neither did Gus Frerotte. Just put Sidney Rice in there and see what happens. 21. New York Jets - The New York Bretts. No consistency leads to no playoffs. 20. San Francisco 49ers- J.T. O'Sullivan - wait, didn't he deliver my Papa John's Supreme Veggie Thin Crust pizza last night? 19. Arizona Cardinals - Fun Fact: Kurt Warner still stocks shelves on Tuesdays at the Phoenix-area Piggly Wiggly. 18. Jacksonville Jaguars - David Garrard threw three interceptions all last year. He's already got four this year. Whoops. 17. Indianapolis Colts - Peyton Manning should apparently stick to commercials. And SNL: That was funny. 16. San Diego Chargers - "Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diago, which of course in German means a whale's vagina." 15. New Orleans Saints - Reggie Bush is trying to prove he's not a bust. But Jeremy Shockey was a good pick-up, eh? 14. New England Patriots - Tom Brady may look good posing with a goat (Google it), but that couldn't stop him from tearing everything in his knee. 13. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Matt Bryant gave an inspirational performance in week four. And there's a cannon in their stadium! 12. Carolina Panthers - There's at least one consistent football team in the Carolinas. 11. Chicago Bears - You call that a beard, Kyle Orton? I've seen better on the lunch lady at Russell House. 10. Denver Broncos - It looks like Jay Cutler is the best quarterback in the league. I bet that just boosted his ego a mile high. Get it? 9. Philadelphia Eagles - Donovan McNabb looks like he's back in college. Syracuse wishes he was. 8. Green Bay Packers - Aaron Rodgers can play, but when are they going to get over Brett? 7. Baltimore Ravens - The U of the NFL. If I say something bad, Ray-Ray might kill me. Oh well, cool purple uniforms. 6. Buffalo Bills - As a life-long fan, I have three words: It's about time. In Trent We Trust. 5. Pittsburgh Steelers - The only thing that could stop Ben Roethlisberger is a motorcycle. Too soon? 4. Washington Redskins - Auburn is responsible for something good? Well, let's not get crazy. At least Jason Campbell is finally learning something. 3. New York Giants - I could never get sick of that slogan: "18-1 GIANT Loss." They're back, but not quite better. 2. Tennessee Titans - 4-0 without Vince? Kerry Collins is in his 37th season and still starting. Somebody get this man a trophy. 1. Dallas Cowboys - Getcha' popcorn ready. America's team is this year's hard-knocks.
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