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When I was seven years old, I wanted to go to Georgetown for college. You see, my career plan at that point was to be an NBA power forward and a doctor - at the same time - and I figured that was as good a place as any to pursue that goal.
Well, 15 years later, I've found a different dream job: former president of the United States.
I, like many of you, watched with great interest the proceedings on Inauguration Day, but my enduring image of that day is President Obama escorting former President Bush to the Marine helicopter that would take him out of Washington. Bush's facial expression was particularly amusing - he was wearing a grin that said to me, "Damn, it feels good to be a gangster." I've never seen anyone so happy, and who could blame him? He was leaving behind what had to have been the most stressful eight years of his life, when he was reviled by a large, vocal plurality of Americans.
Being president of the United States can be a real drag sometimes. Sure, Air Force One is cool and all that, but you've got a bloodthirsty press corps second-guessing your every move, bureaucrats and lobbyists trying to suck you dry and, at any given moment, at least one would-be presidential assassin on the loose trying to send you into early retirement. It's a pain. No wonder Dubya's hair went gray so quickly. In that stressful a situation, mine would have gone stark white in about 10 minutes.
You know what an ex-president does? Whatever the heck he wants. Ex-presidents have gone back to Congress (John Quincy Adams and Andrew Johnson), sat on the Supreme Court (William Howard Taft) and advocated for human rights (Jimmy Carter).
Most ex-presidents, if they don't die soon after leaving office, tend to become authors and lecturers. The memoirs of an ex-president are an instant bestseller, and having Bill Clinton in for a public speaking appearance is generally a six-figure investment. What's more, you also get to set up a library in your name at a place of your choosing. How cool is that? You have all the fame and prestige of the most famed and prestigious office in the world, with none of the annoyances.
Fame? Wealth? Prestige? Low stress and lots of professional freedom? It seems like the only bad thing about being an ex-president is that, in order to be one, you have to be president first.
So George W. Bush flew back to his expansive ranch, off to write books, give speeches, throw out the first pitch at baseball games and spend time with his family for the rest of his life, all with none of the stress or responsibility that ate up the previous eight years.
And I would have given anything in the world to be him.
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