It seems that the good ol' United States of America had a secret weapon in finding Saddam Hussein. Now I'm not talking about global positioning satellites or even x-ray vision, oh no, this was much more dangerous. It seems that in order to find Hussein's exact location the U.S. relied on, you guessed it, a psychic friend of Dionne Warwick.
In Brazil this week a man by the name of Juscelino Nobrega da Luz is appealing a court case that the U.S. owes him $25 million in reward money for assisting in the hunt for Mr. Hussein. I absolutely love this story.
I can see it now. Dubbya is sitting at home in the White House. At about 4 a.m. and several cases of Bud Light into the night, while flipping through the channels, President Bush stops on an enlightening psychic infomercial. Using his Yale education, Bush immediately wakes up Laura to explain a wild and fascinating idea. What if we call a psychic to find Hussein?!
Behold a plan that would involve several letters from Da Luz apparently detailing the exact hole in Iraq where Hussein was hiding. Obviously one must ask, why don't we ask this dude where Osama is hiding?
According to the psychic, he simply sees the future. Therefore, he predicted the U.S. would capture Saddam Hussein in a certain little hole in Iraq.
Was it the future because of this psychic's letters detailing the location, or was the psychic able to have the visions because it was the future anyway? Apparently this Brazilian doesn't see us capturing Bin Laden anytime soon.
Either way, I still love psychics. In fact I love them so much that from time to time, I'll watch that damn Montel Williams just because he has that weird Sylvia Browne lady. C'mon, you know you think she's funny. What about John Edwards, the guy who chats with dead people in his spare time? He's funny too.
America is obsessed with psychics and their nonsense generalities. From the new show "Medium, "to daily horoscopes in the very paper I'm writing in, we all want the future told to us.
Well my friends, I have a little secret for you, I myself know the future. I talked to Juscelino Nobrega da Luz yesterday and he told me that he does, in fact, see Osama Bin Laden in his visions, disguised as a dark and evil figure, one of great mystique and lunacy. The great prophet Juscelino Nobrega Da Luz revealed to me that Osama in fact goes by the name Thomas Bowden.
Haha, Go Cocks! Don't worry I already contacted Homeland Security about this matter.
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