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It never fails. Whenever a classroom discussion broaches the emotional subject of terrorism, some delusional dingbat begins to manically regurgitate conspiracy theories about Sept. 11. These loony activists consistently posture an inflated disposition and attempt to convince others that their view alone leads toward the path of enlightenment and progressive thought.
With a shrewd glint in their eye and a flippant tilt of the head, they conjure the gospels of revered, error-filled documentaries such as "Loose Change."
Inevitably, the spoon-fed rhetoric they previously memorized is invoked as they climb atop their political soapboxes.
In a brazen attempt to monopolize class dialogue, they angrily inquire of their fellow peers, "Did any of you autistic monkeys know that multiple explosions were spotted on the lower levels of the twin towers before they collapsed?" Dun, dun, dun!
Not receiving the expected collective gasp of those present, these individuals go on to insist, "Open your eyes! Surely, you blind 'sheeple' can see that only a ballistic missile could have caused the type of damage the Pentagon suffered!"
When it is noticed that fellow students are lazily rolling their eyes and shifting in their chairs, the theorists seem utterly confused by this uninspired reaction. Why is it that there are no cases yet of a Sept. 11 dissenter rallying a class together and heroically marching them out of governmental bondage?
Probably because programmed "drones" like us recognize that these people have never visited opposing Web sites - such as Loosechangeguide.com or 911myths.com - to test their hare-brained theories. Why swear allegiance to a group that would rather deep fry a penguin than objectively view pro-American materials?
This penchant for loyal, liberal biases has bled down from the outspoken supporters of this crazed movement, such as George Soros and Michael Moore. That candid theorist Jim Marrs seems to be a pretty grounded and respectable fellow, right? Well, that would be much easier to swallow if in his book, "Alien Agenda," he didn't insist that the moon was actually a giant UFO.
Bottom line: If you Sept. 11 conspiracy buffs want to gain credibility, you must hoist other unrelated theories up as divine, which are based on the same type of limited "evidence." So while you're crusading for Bush's head, why don't you hunt for Yeti, check for anal probes, kick your dog (who's probably an informant), buy a rabbit's foot, and wet your pants every time there's an "X-Files" rerun. At least then no one could accuse you of being inconsistent. But be quiet about it - those pesky Jews have got spies everywhere!
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