Fair weekend adds panache to game day experiences

With the Kentucky game and State Fair upon us, I'd like to go ahead and give precautions to all you new fans who have never experienced this great moment that happens every year in Gamecock football.

I present to you Alex Riley's Top Seven Things to Look Out for this Weekend:

1. Terrifying parking - With horror houses and funnel cake stands filling the spaces in the fair grounds, parking is going to be hellacious. Get there early before all the good spots run out. Or shoot up to $30 in price.

2. Fair food - The aromas will be tempting, but alcohol, sunshine and grease do not mix. No matter what your buddies tell you, a sausage dog and Everclear are not friends.

3. Carneys - Or circus folk. Some will be toothless, grungy and lack the ability to form complete sentences. Their lack of intelligence is not to be confused with Clemson fans. Actually, the carnies are smarter.

4. Airborne projectiles - With rides spinning, whirling and twirling all around you, watch out for stuff flying out of your inebriated friends pockets. Drunk people don't realize their car keys aren't tucked in their pockets, making them a possibility of metallic missile. The chance of flying vomit also comes into play with the large quantity of alcohol being consumed.

5. Scary out-of-towners - The fair attracts Upstate dwellers like a bug-zapper does moths. The backwoods will be empty, as every Tiger supporter makes their annual pilgrimage to the "big city" for new inventions such as running water and electricity. Careful.

6. Funny names over the intercom - Listen out for names like Ima P. Brane or R.U. Joking over the fair's intercom system. Young children love to try this, and it can be quite entertaining. Since the announcers want parents to find their kids at the Rocket, looking for the lost little-ones is a blast.

7. Way too much love - With a USC, fans will want to celebrate and the fair provides the ultimate experience. Watch out after the game, as the booze will be flowing and the possibility of hoping on the tilt-a-whirl will grow. The chance of airborne vomit also grows with such boldness.

In all, have a good weekend. Enjoy the sights, sounds, and smells of the yearly traveling freakshow. And by all means, get your party on at the Rocket.

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