The Daily Gamecock

Issue date: 10/3/08 Section: The Mix

After eating at Tio's, "yo quiero Taco Bell." Or Moe's. Or even one of Jack in the Box's infamous tacos. Although Tio's has long been a staple in late-night dining at USC, it is certainly not a favorite eatery among those who appreciate remotely tolerable Mexican food. Simply put, the food at Tio's is a disappointment and doesn't even deserve "uno" star. In their attempt to give diners a little spice, the chefs at Tio's fail and instead leave customers with indigestion.

In fairness, the menu serves as a strong warning of the atrocities that come out of the Tio's kitchen. I listened to my better judgment and avoided the Chili Cheese Fries and Mozzarella Stix, and instead opted for the slightly less scary "Queso Freako." When it came out, the queso was lukewarm instead of hot and had already formed a thick skin on its surface. Tio's promised that the dish is "Made with 100 percent real cheese (not that processed stuff!)," but I was left under the impression that I was eating three-day-old Velveeta.

The entire menu at Tio's is almost impossible to take seriously. Any Mexican restaurant that offers a "Jamaican Jerk Chicken Salad" and three different types of cheesecake can't be respected. Even the seemingly more traditional Mexican dishes came with nonsensical side options. Since when is ground chuck a desirable add-on to a dinner of enchiladas or nachos?

Ultimately, I didn't feel confident enough in the culinary abilities of Tio's kitchen staff to order "Huevos Rancheros" or the allegedly "World Famous Wet Burrito." (However, in what world is that dish famous, and why is it wet?) "Tio's Mexican Sandwich" attempts to combine the best of Americana with tortillas, beans and rice, but, unsurprisingly, fails miserably. While creativity is an admirable trait in any chef, ineptness isn't, and dishes such as the Mexican Sandwich do nothing except prove that Tio's has no understanding of what Mexican food actually is.

For those of us who are gluttons for punishment, Tio's offers combinations even Takeru Kobayashi wouldn't be able to stomach. "The Signature Enchilada Sampler" was made with stale corn tortillas , undercooked Minute Rice and a heaping side of disappointment. The dishes managed to be both bland and unmistakably appalling in taste at the same time. Don't think that the dishes at Tio's can be improved by drowning them in hot sauce, because I already have. The "hot sauce" at Tio's could have easily come out of a jar of Prego marinara sauce.

Even the friendly staff and fast service at Tio's can't begin to compensate for the inadequacy of the restaurant's food. The next time you're looking for some good "comida Mexicana," head over to Russell House. The food at Tio's isn't worth the time it takes to walk over to the restaurant, the money a meal there costs or the abuse it puts on your taste buds.

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