The Daily Gamecock

Issue date: 10/7/08 Section: The Mix

Andrew Graczyk, Second-year physics student

It has come to my attention over the last several weeks that the health of many individuals at our great university is deteriorating. This is, on some level, understandable. The seasons are changing, the weather is getting colder, and, what's worse, the upcoming election ensures that there is even more politics in the air than usual. It still seems odd, though, that these factors alone would have enough potency to bring such widespread malady to the USC populace.

After all, does not the air pressure and weather always change? Does South Carolina tend to care about anything that happens on a national level? The answers to these questions, for better or for worse, are "yes" and "only if it gives them a good excuse to revolt," respectively. While one could argue that the upcoming election could be enough of a reason for South Carolina to consider insurrection, it is unlikely that the changes in weather and politics alone are responsible for the diseases infecting the student body.

There must, then, be some other force at work here. Those inclined toward the sciences of biology or pathology probably wonder why I have as yet not mentioned microbes or viruses. It is true that these pathogens can be responsible for diseases, but no amount of science or medicinal practice can tell you why a person is sick. At best, doctors can tell you with what you are infected, speculate as to how you obtained said infection and hopefully provide a means to get rid of it.

Given the self-reliant roots of American society, I am inclined to say that a bit of the cause can be found within you. Obviously, pessimism about health (or life itself) can render one more likely to contract an illness, but there could be subtler influences.

For example, evidence suggests there is a strong correlation between stupidity and alcohol poisoning, and I would argue that the West Nile Virus was caused solely by paranoia amongst a small portion of the population and was not a pathogen at all. Being a good resident of South Carolina, I think of myself as not so much a single organism as a confederacy of independent organs that are voluntarily united for the common good. As such, I keep careful tabs on the various systems present therein and make sure that none are taxed unreasonably lest they rebel. My organs, of course, realize that they would likely be unable to exist on their own and so rarely threaten to leave, with the exception of the appendix, which seems to traditionally enjoy secession from the body.

In all seriousness, though, one could say that health is like a federal (or confederal) government: In both cases it is best to remember your constituent entities and act not in a manner destructive to them. You never know when your appendix will become angered over some tariffs and threaten to revolt, or maybe I'm mixing too many metaphors.

Benedicitas.

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