Holidays bring out quirks in every family
Thanksgiving is the season of many things. For many of us, it’s all about getting together with family members (some of whom you can only stand to visit once a year) and stuffing our faces with mashed potatoes, turkey and green bean casserole until we slip into a deep, gravy-induced coma, waking only to change into sweatpants or actually get up from your seat at the dining table. Traditions may vary, but whether you’re baking pies with your grandma, watching the Jerry Springer “Leftover Lovers” television special or drawing mediocre turkeys using your hand as a stencil, some things just won’t just cut the turkey when it comes to quality family bonding. Here are the top family “trouble areas” we can identify through past Turkey Day experiences.
Cooking with Family
We’ve all seen Paula Deen celebrate the holidays with her sons. They laugh and playfully jab at each other while lacquering just about every dinnertime dish with enough layers of butter to clog half of America’s arteries. A real family’s kitchen at Thanksgiving? Not like this. Picture about 10 of your relatives stuffed into a narrow space ferociously arguing over what temperature produces the juiciest turkey or whether celery belongs in the stuffing. Your little brother just stuck his fingers in the sweet potato pie for the sixth time, Buster the beagle just took a flying leap at the gravy boat and there’s no room in the oven for Aunt Fanny’s squash surprise, which, let’s face it, no one is really all that upset about. Being with family during the holidays can be great. Cramming into one room with sharp knives and hot plates is not. Save yourself a few scrambled messes and smoking stovetops by cooking some dishes before you reach your holiday destination. Aunt Fanny will thank you later.
Politics with Family
With the recent presidential election still so fresh in our minds, it might be easy to turn to politics as a go-to conversation topic over a few post-dinner drinks. However, be sure to do this at your own risk. If we learned anything from election 2012, it’s that (surprise, surprise) not everyone agrees on the same thing! But unlike our friends and work colleagues, our family is not so easy to escape from when things get heated, especially when you’ve just packed on 50 pounds in turkey weight and it takes all of the energy you can muster just to walk to the bathroom. So if you’re gonna pick a fight with your so-right-wing-he’s-almost-left great uncle, remember: You will probably never win against a man who can 1) barely hear you over the sound of his hearing aid whirring and 2) drinks Kentucky Gentleman like it doesn’t singe his stomach lining. The same goes for bringing up genetically modified organisms with your flower child cousin. Choose your battles wisely.
Sports with Family
Generally, members of the same household or family tend to pull for the same sports team. But there’s always the obnoxious one who cheers for the other side just because his father never showed up to his pee-wee football game or his clarinet recital. Whether you’re from the north, south, east or west, love and loyalty to the team you grew up with is universal. In fact, the majority of Americans will probably get more defensive if you dissed their quarterback than their political candidate. We all know the “oh, it’s only a game” stuff is a load of bologna when you’re down by 24 at your own 30-yard line. And when you’re jacked up on a lethal combination of pie and potatoes, those five little words are all you need to leap up from your recliner and strangle Grandpa with your New York Jets Snuggie. Don’t ruin a perfectly good Snuggie; find another television set.
Shopping with Family
Many families have the yearly tradition of hitting the shopping malls or department stores for Black Friday shopping. While some of us may view said families as legally insane, there must be a little pleasure derived from getting eight iPods for the price of seven or stocking up on socks for the whole family to enjoy until they get lost in the dryer (the socks, not the family). But somehow this chaotic post-holiday spree can often bring out the worst in people, so don’t be surprised if you find yourself clawing your sister-in-law’s eyes out for the last pair of Ugg boots or tipping over Gran’s wheelchair at the sight of half-off kitchen appliances. But don’t forget that we’re often more successful if we work in teams, so you may be better off strategizing together before you hit the stores. Family-name team jerseys optional.