4 tips for maintaining sanity, sanitation in shared spaces
Sometimes, two people move into together and a magical thing occurs. They sit up late almost every night, braiding each other’s hair, crying over mean boys and taking shots of whipped cream vodka. For guys, usually all it takes is a piling body count during a quick COD (Call of Duty, for you non-gamers) session or an aggressive high-five following a six-game beer pong domination streak. But for those of us not living in a “Saved by the Bell” episode where all mildly humorous conflicts can be solved with a school dance or one of Screech’s signature “I’m such a melon head” looks, living with another person can sometimes be the reason you’re taking vodka shots at 4 a.m. (or p.m. — I don’t judge). Here’s a quick list to save yourself the drama.
DO
Change the Toilet Paper Roll
Stubbing your toe. Getting a paper cut. Finding someone else’s vomit in your hair. All of these things are minor in comparison to the terrible moment when, after stumbling your way through a seemingly 10-foot-long dark hallway to take care of your business, you reach unsuccessfully for the nonexistent roll of toilet paper. The imminent face-palm soon follows as you curse your roommate for not only taking the last square but also doing it on purpose. “She wanted me to run out of toilet paper,” you mutter to yourself from the porcelain throne, fists clenched in anger. “She just wants to ruin my life! And I bet she killed my betta fish too!” Well, that escalated quickly. It takes two seconds to change the roll, so just do it. And if you’re fresh out of Cottonelle, stick some napkins/paper towels/wrapping paper in reaching distance. You may feel like you’re in a truck-stop bathroom, but at least your roomie will appreciate the effort. Try to resist writing obscenities on the wall in permanent marker.
DON’T
Raid Your Roommate’s Closet (without asking)
Almost all of us have had that roommate. She’s got more clothes than Barbie and Cher from “Clueless” combined. There are enough shoes to satisfy Carrie Bradshaw. Scarves? Don’t even get her started. And the minute you move in, she grandly gestures to her closet full of every clothing label imaginable and says, “Oh, please feel free to borrow anything you like. You don’t even have to ask!” This is a trap. While it seems like a good idea on paper, borrowing someone else’s favorite black dress/Southern Tide polo/leather jacket tends to make even the most calm and collected individual a nervous wreck. You’ll spend so much time dodging Grilled Teriyaki sauce like Neo in the Matrix, you’ll eventually end up covered in an assortment of condiments. The safest bet is to ask, then take.
DO
Keep Communication Open
Remember those old cartoons where Yosemite Sam used to get so angry at Bugs Bunny for foiling his plans that steam would come out of his ears while he hopped around in tiny boots shooting bullets in the air? That character was based off an angry roommate who bottled their anger for too long. OK, not really, but you get the point. If you hate that your roommate doesn’t wash their dishes, take out the trash or clean up dirty gym shorts emanating a funky smell on the bathroom floor, tell them. Believe it or not, everyone lives a different way; things that may be a huge deal to you may not register as high on their radar and vice versa. But nothing will ever get fixed if neither of you know. Yeah, the conversation may start off a little awkward at first, but what’s more awkward — bringing it up now or angrilyly throwing their desk out the window later?
DON’T
Borrow Money
This one comes with a caveat. There are some friends out there who are constantly spotting each other a few bucks here and there, trading burgers for booze or textbooks for printer ink. If you’ve known your roomie long enough and feel totally comfortable digging into your wallet for a $20, then by all means go for it. However, some really solid friendships have been known to crumble when Benjamin Franklin and the rest of the presidential crew enter the picture. If you do decide to borrow some pesos, map out an exact payment system so your roommate doesn’t end up having to go all Gordon Gekko (from the movie “Wall Street”) on your tail. And definitely don’t make it a constant habit.