1. Recognize the situation
Well, it’s come to this. You’ve been juggling classes, due dates and extracurricular stuff for the past three weeks, and crunch time is just about over. You can almost feel the metric ton of work tottering off your back like a large fluffy cat waking up from a nap. Suddenly, BOOM. You’re flipping absently over your syllabus, and there it is: 5 to 8 pages on Kierkegaard’s Influences on 20th Century Existentialism. Due tomorrow at 9:40 a.m.
2. Don’t panic
Deep breaths, now. There’s no use hyperventilating and getting yourself worked up. What’s needed now is immediate action. Grab your preferred caffeine delivery system — more than one cup or can, if possible — and sit down at your desk, not on your bed. No sleeping allowed. Skim the relevant course materials (if you still have them.) Even if you don’t, remember: no panicking. Find something useful or seemingly meaningful online.
3. Plan, then plan some more
Find a meaningful-sounding quote or general idea and start plotting out reference points. It doesn’t matter how fanciful or tenuous the connection: you’re going for quantity, not quality. Even if you’re trying to connect Winnie-The-Pooh to Post-Poststructuralist Hyper-Feminist Interior Design, hold on to it. You’re going to need ideas and lots of them.
4. The long haul
Here’s the hard bit: looking at the empty page and filling it. No mucking about with fonts or period-sizes. Even the most senior professors have a handle on that by now and won’t be fooled by those tricks. Fill space as best you can — as long as you’re writing, you’re making progress, so don’t look at the clock. As long as it’s still dark outside, you have time. Get your main points out there in disconnected blocks, then go back and hot-glue them together with transition sentences.
5. Break the wall
Eventually, you’re going to experience what runners call “hitting the wall,” the point that seems impossible to break through. You’ve sped through with relative ease until then, but somewhere in the middle of the third page the initial rush peters out. My advice: keep your head down and bust through it. Sip more coffee and continue.
6. Accept mediocrity
Dawn is coming up fast and you’ve finished — barely. There is no time to rest and look over it again. If you feel up to it, read the sentences out loud. If they feel too long, cut them. If they’re too short, fill them out. Don’t expect an A, either. A good paper is like a good wine. Give it attention and time, and you’ll get something worthwhile. Your aim with at the last hour is number of pages and legibility. If you managed that, you’ve more than earned an all-day nap.
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