The Daily Gamecock

Weird Stories: Hello darkness, my old friend

Were you an edgy preteen who wore all black every day to school? Maybe some black eyeliner and nail polish for good measure, and of course you had your hair dyed black and straightened while you swore to your friends that music could never get better than Asking Alexandria.

Well, what if I told you that you there is a new black that is blacker than any black you’ve ever witnessed in your life? Well it’s true, and it’s called Vantablack, a color so dark that it absorbs 99.96 percent of light. Are your emo senses tingling? Are you fighting the irresistible urge to paint your entire apartment or house in Vantablack and embrace the darkness?

Well that’s too bad. You can’t. And it’s all because of Anish Kapoor.

OK, some context. Vantablack was created by a company called Surrey NanoSystems and is being used for practical purposes by astronauts and the military. However, Vantablack is being kept away from the artists of the world by British artist Anish Kapoor who acquired the exclusive rights to use the color and won’t allow anyone else the pleasure of using it.

Though, if Kapoor thought the art community would idly sit by and let him get away with stealing away the world’s chance to experience the blackest black of all, he was mistaken. If you want a chance to live out your days as the dark edge-lord you’ve always wanted to be, then other British artist Stuart Semple is your knight in glittery pink armor.

As a response to Kapoor’s claiming of Vantablack, Semple created the pinkest pink, the greenest green, the yellowest yellow and the most glittery glitter. All of these items are available for purchase at — as long as you aren’t Anish Kapoor.

When you purchase one of these items, you actually have to declare that you are not Anish Kapoor and that, to the best of your knowledge, the paint you buy will not reach Anish Kapoor. While he was excited that the paint sold better than he ever imagined, he still told Dazed Digital that it was a failure because “Anish is still at large in his multi-million pound Tribeca loft hoarding black holes all for himself.”

The reality got even worse for Semple a few weeks ago when Kapoor posted a picture on Instagram with his middle finger coated in none other than the Semple’s pinkest pink paint. Semple was unhappy that Kapoor managed to get ahold of his paint despite the ban, telling, "It would be nice if he owned up, said sorry and gave me my Pink back.”

It appears the war for the blackest black will continue to rage on, and until Semple is able to take him down, Anish Kapoor will continue to reign as the lone king of darkness, gleefully painting away with his exclusive Vantablack.