The Daily Gamecock

T-Coop fountain water infects hundreds

Hundreds of students have fallen ill after coming into contact with the Thomas Cooper Library fountain's water while celebrating Gamecock basketball's unprecedented success.

The newly discovered infection, dubbed "T-Coop Syndrome," is puzzling medical professionals across the Palmetto State.

"At this time, there is no cure available and really no cure in sight," Dr. Alfred Slaughter of MUSC said. Officials from the Centers for Disease Control will travel to campus to collect samples of the water.

Symptoms include nausea, dizziness, irrational behavior, impaired judgement, fatigue and death. Students who experience these symptoms should contact a medical professional immediately.

Despite grim prognoses, some infected students like second-year risk management and insurance student Brett Northanger have embraced their fate. Northanger ingested approximately a gallon of fountain water on a dare.

"Two words, bro: 'worth it,'" he said.

And the syndrome is not keeping sick fans like first-year early childhood education student Sarah Bishop from following their beloved team out west for the Final Four. She says her "YOLO" mentality will allow her to fight her way cross-country to Phoenix in her VW despite her diagnosis.

"If you have to go out," Bishop said, "why not go out big?"

University officials say more than 850 students have been diagnosed with the infection. With more wins for the Gamecock's hoops squads possibly on the horizon this April Fool's, the toll is expected to rise.


#aprilfools


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