Third ‘Transformers’ installment should be franchise’s last
At one point in the film, Bruce Brazos (John Malkovich) summarizes that there are two types of people in the world: thinkers and doers. Bay is the latter, as he has proven since he began his career as a director. Yes, he does tinker with and deliver great effects in this film, but he refuses to keep the promise that he would pay more attention to important factors like characterization after the nightmare of a sequel that was “Revenge of the Fallen” (2009).
Though an insignificant improvement from part two, “Dark of the Moon” still suffers from Bay’s signature use of headache-inducing effects, frivolous dialogue, inexpressive characters and illogical storytelling all cluttered together by a script seemingly written by an ADD-addled adolescent tripping on acid-laced Frosted Flakes.
Just like its predecessors, the plot revolves around government conspiracies, including a NASA cover-up bigger than former President Richard Nixon’s own Watergate scandal. The movie begins with a tiresome opening that informs audiences the “true” reason behind the Apollo 11 mission was to investigate an alien spaceship that crash-landed on the moon. They even make a tone-deaf attempt to make the cover-up realistic by adding Buzz Aldrin to the cast.
Shia LeBeouf returns as Sam Witwicky, who is looking for work after receiving a medal from President Barack Obama. LeBeouf, laughably considered the next Tom Hanks, delivers an even more laughable performance that consists of constant screaming and awkward posing. Bay has replaced Megan Fox with British Victoria’s Secret model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, another bombshell for Bay to drool over. Her “acting” makes any of the girls on ABC Family shows look like Kate Winslet in comparison.
Once again, Sam finds himself in another struggle between the Autobots and the Decepticons, only this time humans are aligning themselves with the Decepticons as they strive to make Earth the new Cybertron. The key to their success lies with Sentinel Prime (voiced by “Star Trek’s” Leonard “Spock” Nimoy) and a contraption that creates a portal allowing more robots to invade. It all builds to a prolonged climactic battle that comes off as a robotic rapture torn from the pages of the “Terminator” series.
For a movie based off a collection of kid’s toys, “Dark of the Moon” does endeavor to go desperately over-the-top with its comedy, based on unsophisticated sexual innuendo. Some of the really incongruous jokes once again come from the mother who got high off special brownies in the second film. The most absurd scene involves Ken Jeong, the Asian stereotype from “The Hangover” (2009), in a ridiculously awkward situation with Sam in a men’s restroom. He even squeezes in a Pink Floyd reference toward the movie’s title, stating the dilemma they’re in as a “code pink.”
Watching the official trailer, it seemed like the third “Transformers” film would have a logical plotline. But of course, the story is incoherent, filled with sloppy editing, tedious plot twists and a lingering and anticlimactic battle that unnecessarily lengthens the film’s run-time. The sequence does exhibit the film’s impressive visuals, but it follows Bay’s traditional combination: maximum volume and minimum drama.
It’s amazing how John Turturro can keep his sanity after starring in three of these films while Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson have been dwindled down to living scenery. As for the new cast members, it was painful to see distinguished actors Frances McDormand and John Malkovich waste their talents on this cheesy excuse for popcorn entertainment. Dr. McDreamy (Patrick Dempsey) is also lost in the loop as he plays the wealthy slimeball who sides with the Decepticons.
To the point, Bay has once again demonstrated why he is the villain of the cinematic world. Let’s hope that Bay will follow LeBeouf’s example and not return with another installment.