‘Twilight’ falls into unintentional comedy
It’s baffling that there is anything else to be told after the infamous love triangle has been settled in the “Twilight” series.
Even more unnecessary is the fact that the final installment has been divided into two films, when it could easily have been done in one. Sure, the final “Harry Potter” film was split into two parts, but at least the ending justified it all. After the recent release of possibly the worst installment yet, the same probably can’t be said about the “Twilight” saga.
There are plenty of horrible aspects within “Breaking Dawn – Part One” to point out, but I am just going stick to the basics: the ridiculous plot, the blank acting, the lack of thrills and, most of all, the unintentional hilarity.
The film begins with a wisteria white wedding, which takes forever to get through. Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) is finally getting married to the vampire of her dreams and will soon herself be a vampire. However, she wants to spend her Brazilian honeymoon as a human.
On the honeymoon, her new husband Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) is afraid that having sex with Bella would crush her, but Bella wants to make love nonetheless. Now, you would think that these newly hitched kids would take the necessary precautions before consummating their marriage.
The following day, Bella discovers she is pregnant and immediately says, “That’s impossible.” Really? Because I’m pretty sure that’s what happens when you have unprotected sex without birth control.
After these events, one would think the monotonous plot would pick up after the fetus begins crushing Bella from the inside and cease being a plodding, sexless snooze fest. However, the plot continues to slowly drag on while illustrating many plot twists with no excitement or intrigue.
It also tries its best to be as overly soapy as it can be while surging out heavily romantic lines like, “Last night was the best night of my existence.”
There is no point in explaining the rest of the plot since it is all completely confusing to those who haven’t read Stephenie Meyer’s novel. Basically, there’s a broken truce between the vampires and the werewolves, some prophecy, a boy band reject group of werewolves and a baby being born. It all ends with a completely anticlimactic moment that really doesn’t leave any interest in seeing the second half.
I’m sure that every “Twilight” fan reading this probably hates me right now, but, to tell the truth, I actually had hope for this film since director Bill Condon, who directed such acclaimed films as “Gods and Monsters” (1998) and “Dreamgirls” (2006), has replaced David Slade for the final two. With his directing, Condon could have made these films intriguing dark thrillers.
When you think about it, having a great director like Condon behind the wheel of this film is actually harmful, since he spends too much with close-up shots of these actors who express nothing but emptiness throughout the film.
Absolutely none of the actors could handle the more emotional moments, particularly Taylor Lautner, who plays Jacob Black. After this year’s “Abduction,” it’s become pretty clear the guy can’t act and constantly relies on taking his shirt off to keep his career.
As for the action, it’s difficult to enjoy the four minutes of thrills since there are so many inadvertent hilarious moments, and the talking werewolves are like watching a Scooby-Doo film.
While the acting is as appalling as ever and the story is at the peak of ridiculousness, it’s mostly the unintentional humor that makes this movie hard to take seriously. I mean, a grown man flabbergasted at the sight of a CGI-enhanced baby is suitable for comedy, not melodrama.
Putting all of that aside, “Breaking Dawn – Part 1” does give fans, from recovering emos to soccer moms to 12-year-old girls, what they paid to see. It’s just a huge disappointment for those who were expecting something not boring, absurd and horrible.