Seuss movie sucks, not worth your bucks
From the studio that brought us "Despicable Me"
Comes another Dr. Seuss tale told in IMAX 3-D.
Its cuteness and mild humor would please any average crowd,
But like "The Grinch" and "Cat in the Hat," it wouldn't make Dr. Seuss proud.
"The Grinch's" heart was "three times too small;"
"The Cat in the Hat" wasn't enjoyable at all.
"Horton Hears a Who!" headed in the right direction,
But only came close to sheer Seuss perfection.
Now comes "The Lorax," based off of another Seuss book,
Which boasts a great cast and a furry, bright orange look.
Its silliness and music serve to enthrall everyone,
But its dullness at times leaves little room for fun.
The story begins in Thneedville, run by the mogul O'Hare;
Voiced by Rob Riggle, he is short with wacky black hair.
He sells bottled air to keep the village running;
Plastic trees abound and Thneedvillians all sing.
Zac Efron voices the 12-year-old Ted
Affection for a girl is all that fills his head.
He goes on a voyage to find a real living tree
To impress his unrequited love (Taylor Swift, who voices Audrey).
With some advice from his grandmother (voiced by Betty White),
Ted goes into the world, a wasteland with no tree in sight.
There he finds the Once-ler (Ed Helms), whose face we do not see.
He tells Ted of the Lorax, who speaks for each Truffula tree.
Now comes the back story, where the Once-ler sells his Thneed,
A device he claims that everybody needs.
To make them, he and his family chop down trees
Despite the Lorax's many desperate pleas.
From this point, it's clear where the plot will go
The story is about saving trees, as we all know.
The movie, like the book, hinges on one word: "Unless."
Still, it's hard to care about Ted cleaning up this mess.
The characters lack depth, and so does the story.
The movie's as boring as "300" was gory.
It's filled with extraneous stuff, but not a lot,
Like Ted's crush on Audrey and the O'Hare subplot.
Despite being a family film, "The Lorax" is catching serious heat
Because its message on anti-capitalism isn't very discreet.
Conservatives criticize the environmental themes.
They say the film is brainwashing our kids — and so it seems.
Plenty of songs here, but they're environmental rants
They all stress the importance of saving the plants
Since I'm talking about songs, I must mention one thing:
Efron and Swift are the only ones who don't sing.
Among all this comes but one saving grace
As there are bright, vibrant colors all over the place.
They're a decent distraction for the movie's overall bore
3-D effects cost more money, but then that's what they're for.
But the eminent cast is the movie's real treasure,
As Ed Helms and Betty White are always real pleasures.
Danny DeVito gives the Lorax his voice,
And I must admit he was the right choice.
I am the critic, I speak against this movie,
Though its bright color scheme is totally groovy.
To tell you the truth, I am done with these rhymes
The film is too preachy; it's not worth your time.