Welcome Week is over. Classes have begun.
Our whole lives, we’ve been told that these will be our best four years. What happens when they don’t feel that way?
I started at USC as a freshman three years ago, eager to join new clubs and try new things.
At the student organization fair, I picked up every flyer and added my new email address to a dozen organizations’ lists. In my brand new planner, I recorded due dates and planned class projects. I introduced myself to other freshmen, upperclassmen and even professors.
At the end of the day, I still found myself sitting in my dorm room with huge holes in my schedule. I’d forged friendships at camps before, but had never been away from home so long.
Plain and simple, I was lonely.
Announcing my loneliness in the university newspaper isn’t exactly my life goal, but this silent epidemic strikes freshmen year after year.
Let’s open the conversation.
Instead of preparing us for the hard work of transplanting our lives to college, the world tells us to expect a constant thrill ride. Loneliness feels the exact opposite: empty, long and cruel.
To cope, one of my roommates drove two hours home each weekend. Another dropped out completely. Others, feeling hopeless, go to more tragic extremes.
Don’t be afraid!
During freshman year, my first deep friendship didn’t arrive until February! When I studied abroad in Spain this past spring, it happened again. No one there knew me. They didn’t know my family, my values, my talents or my weaknesses. In some ways, this clean slate was freeing, but I longed for connection.
More than once I wailed into my pillow, missing home.
Of the five people I wanted to befriend at orientation, none of them numbered among the eight girls dear to my heart at the semester’s end. With time, acceptance and a little vulnerability, we found each other one-by-one.
Their friendship was worth the patience.
Joyce Meyer said, “Patience is not the ability to wait, but how you act while you’re waiting.”
It’s okay to be lonely. It hurts, I know, and it will pass.
Meanwhile, how will you wait?
Learn something new. Try a sport you’ve never done before. Use campus resources to hone in on your skills and interests (Career Center), find research money (Office of Undergraduate Research), assess your strength and health (Wellness Office at Strom) or flex your leadership muscles (Office of Student Affairs).
When the transition is rough, make an appointment with the Counseling Center for free.
Finally, show some kindness. A sincere smile or a dinner invitation can make someone’s day. Be the friend you look for in others.
My wish for you, dear freshmen, is that you know two things:
1. Loneliness is a reasonable feeling at this point.
2. Friends will come in time.
From me to you, there’s a reason you’re here. It’s okay to feel lonely, but you’re not alone.
I’ve been there.
You’re going to be okay.