The results of on-campus housing visitation voting are in, and everyone is still upset. Someone didn't vote, someone hates their roommate, someone thinks the whole system is unfair and regardless of the result, someone is unhappy.
If you don't live on campus, here's a crash course: certain buildings are under Plan B visitation policy, in which opposite sex visitation ends at 2 a.m. In residence halls that operate under this plan, voting is held at the end of the first semester and students can vote to move to Plan C visitation in the second semester, meaning overnight opposite sex visitation is permitted on Friday and Saturday nights. In these same residence halls, it is required for students to check in all of their guests and for each guest to leave a photo ID at the front desk for the duration of their visit, regardless of the visitation plan. Residents must also escort their guests anywhere they go in the building, no matter what.
As a Resident Mentor I hear about this a lot. Parents have given me the dirtiest looks at the desk for requiring them to leave a photo ID and to be escorted by their daughters. I've heard every complaint from "I'm just family, can't you just remember that I went up?" to "I pay for her to live here [insert angry and entitled remark here]."
Entire hall meetings have dissolved into debates and questions about why boys can't visit after 2 a.m. or general shouting about "fairness." I think we could all benefit from a discussion about "fairness" in housing.
Around 600 women live in the Women's Quad. Patterson can house up to 544 women. South Tower can hold 391 students. Capstone can house 579.
While I know all 24 of my residents, I could not even begin to say I know all 550 or so women that live in the Women's Quad in total. I don't know their names, where they come from or what they believe. I don't know what's happened to them in the past or what makes them comfortable now. I wouldn't even say in all confidence that I know all these things about some of my friends. We deal in large numbers.
This can come down to something as simple as a safety issue. We monitor how many people are going into your room at a time because of fire codes. We require swipe-in machines and card scans to get into elevators so we know whoever is in the hall has a good reason to be there. We keep photo IDs of visitors at the front desk because we need to know who is in the building and who they are with,so we can hold all parties accountable if they violate the rules set in place to protect the rights of the people living in the hall. Your residence hall is where you live, and you don't want strange people wandering around going who knows what.
On a more complex side, take the large numbers and then consider our goal. The educational priority of housing is to provide an environment that motivates students to devote time and energy to educationally purposeful activities by providing experiences that facilitate students' academic progress, awareness of self and awareness of others.
Academic progress, awareness of self and awareness of others — these are the three things that RMs are trained to help their residents achieve. It's not easy, but you would be surprised how the nature of living in a residence hall can instill some of these values effortlessly. Awareness of others is a common outcome, whether students like it or not. Right now, students are being forced to face the fact that just because they are comfortable with opposite sex visitation, does not mean that everyone is comfortable with it, and we all need to be respectful of that.
So, let's go back to the hundreds of students in each residence hall. Each one is different, and there is no way for the 20 or so RMs in the building to know each and every single one of them and what's best for them. We do not know which residents are strongly religious, have been a victim of sexual assault or are just not comfortable having the opposite sex around while they are trying to sleep or study.
A representative from the counseling center said something to the RMs during diversity training a few days ago that I think perfectly sums up why visitation is the way it is: "We do far less harm by approaching people as if they have undergone trauma than by assuming they haven't." This can go farther by expanding it to say we do far less harm by assuming everyone has a different opinion than us that is valid and well reasoned than by assuming that everyone either wants what we want or is stupid, prudish, weird, etc.
I hope residents can trust that what is being done by housing is being done in their best interest, and what frustrates them about living in a residence hall doesn't get in the way of what can be so great about living there. You get to meet a myriad of new people who you can share the Carolina experience with, and this opportunity to become more aware of others is unlike any other you will ever experience. You will always be glad you did if you're open to it.