“It’s going to be freezing tonight, just so you know.”
“Thanks, mom, see you in a little bit.”
I lay my phone on the counter and finish my makeup, grab a sweater with my purse and phone and I’m out the door.
The night goes on and it’s late when we depart.
“Do you have all your stuff? Did you bring a purse or just your wallet?”
“I’ve got it. Thanks, mom.”
“OK, text me when you get home safe.”
“You too. Night.”
We hug and part ways. As I walk toward my friend’s car I pull my sweater more tightly around me.
In high school, being the “mom” of a friend group was a fate worse than death (and also probably my reality, in retrospect). However, in college I have found that “mom” is one of the most loving and appreciative things a friend could call me, and I them.
A support system isn’t something I thought I needed until I sat in my lofted bed on the first night in a residence hall and cried. It wasn’t about the way my bed shook when I moved (although that didn’t help) or my newfound anxiety regarding future tuition payments (although that didn’t help either). I cried because I thought this was me “on my own.” Despite my parents and sisters offering all their support, from three hours away it still felt like just me on a little island, drifting out to sea.
It was then that my roommate and I banded together in a relationship that I will always be grateful for. A few weeks later I met some quirky kids that would grow to be the people that send me BuzzFeed articles when I’m sad, offer to kick serious butt on my behalf and know how to handle my many shortcomings. These people are nurturing and supportive and in every way give me a mom away from home.
From receiving this nurturing I have found the ability to “mom” in return. I zip backpacks, fetch Advil and give pep talks that would put Danny Tanner to shame.
But if we’re in college to be away from mom and dad, why would we want parenting behaviors from our friends?
None of us are equipped to live this life alone. I think the existence of “friend moms” comes from a place of mutually embracing our insufficiencies and helping to supplement where our friends are still lacking.
Being a friend mom isn’t a role, it is a series of acts of support and kindness. It’s reminding your friend they have homework when they Snapchat you nonsense at 2 a.m.
We are constantly growing and changing and constantly making mistakes. The one mistake you shouldn’t make is making friends with people who won’t “mom” you from time to time, and vice versa. You can create a support system for yourself. You can be the support system that keeps someone else going.
These relationships don’t denote weakness. If anything, taking control of your own well-being and making conscious choices to participate in positive relationships shows strength and true self-worth.
And while no one can replace my need for my actual mother’s guidance, love and wisdom, having these non-mom relationships on this venerable journey to adulthood certainly makes the trail seem less treacherous.