Sleepy in the stairwell, Feb. 18, 11:33 a.m.
Most people sleep with a significant other or comfort items like stuffed animals beside them, but one man in Columbia prefers to keep his favorite alcoholic beverage nearby. A man was found sleeping in the stairwell of the Horizon Garage with a Bud Light bottle by his side. The man was arrested when police found he had already been issued a trespass notice last year.
Baseball on Blossom, Feb. 18, 12:57 p.m.
Police saw a man standing in the middle of the road with a baseball bat over his head near the intersection of Blossom and Main Street. He said the bat was for protection, but it’s unlikely the piece of wood would protect him from a car speeding down Blossom. The scent of marijuana was present and the man claimed he was an Uber driver and someone must have left it behind. However, they searched the vehicle and found a small bag of the substance in a locked glove box.
Modeling for the cops, Feb. 18, 12:26 a.m.
A Patterson RM notified USCPD of an intoxicated female who could barely walk. When asked to show her driver’s license she instead showed the officer a cell phone photo of her posing with two friends, proving that no matter how drunk a girl is she will still ask you to follow her on Instagram.
Patterson blackout, Feb. 19, 2:59 a.m.
The infamous "blackout pitcher" lived up to its name for one female Patterson resident. She had consumed two of these pitchers earlier in the night. Her friends relayed this information to police because she was slumped over a puddle of her own "fresh" vomit at the time.