Tips and tricks to nights out in the downtown scene
“Hey, dude! Watch this!”
And so begin the famous last words of many a late-night Five Points reveler as he or she prepares to dazzle his or her friends with bar backflips, Five Points fountain dips or even a quick shimmy up the nearest tree. For years now, Five Points has been the traditional hub for USC students (and perhaps even a few professors), buzzing with vibrant energy almost any night of the week. But whether you’re heading down to Pavlov’s for a cold one or imbibing mixed drinks during Grandma’s power hour, there are a few things you should know to save yourself a run-in with Columbia’s finest and a whole lot of embarrassment.
DO Stay Aware
Yes, Five Points is fun. And it’s easy to get caught up in all the $1 beers, lively house music and late hours that many of the establishments have to offer. But that doesn’t mean you should turn a blind eye to safety. No matter how hard you try, you probably won’t ever be faster than a car speeding through a yellow light as you try to leap across Harden Street. And whatever you do, try to stick together. There is almost nothing more pathetic than seeing a hysterically sobbing girl, mascara running and eyes puffy, in the middle of Pour House who’s “lost her friends” and doesn’t remember how to get home. Don’t be that girl (or guy). Refer to the tried and true “buddy system” of your elementary school days, even if you’re not going home with the same person you came with.
DON’T Be Stupid
I know, I know. This one is lot easier said than done. But believe it or not, not every Friday morning has to start with “I did WHAT last night?” To make things a little easier, I’ve made a list of things I’ve personally seen that should stay off your night’s to-dos.
1. Throwing your pita at a stranger — Besides the fact that this is rude (and a waste of a good pita), the situation becomes even worse when you try to use “They forgot my feta!” as an excuse.
2. Going swimming in the Five Points fountain — All right people, here’s a little known fact: That fountain you just submerged your entire body in is about as clean as the kiddie pool in your neighborhood. Think about that next time you want to “cool off.”
3. Kicking over all of the trash cans on your walk home — Yes, we’re all really impressed you karate-kicked an inanimate object to the ground. Props to you for taking down all the terrible Solo cup, potato chip bag, Pita Pit wrapper monsters.
4. Sleeping on the ground — You’d think this would be pretty self-explanatory, but clearly taking a nap on the sidewalk is becoming a new trend. Imagine the rude wake-up call when you open your eyes to a very serious police officer.
5. Crawling across Harden — You are not a snail. Or a caterpillar. And yes, you can get arrested for this. Just ask the Human Centipede that snaked its way across the road last Halloween.
DO Stay Legal
Here’s a shocking truth — not everyone who partakes in Five Points festivities is 21 or older. But screeching, “I can’t believe my fake worked!” as you walk through the doors of Red Hot Tomatoes is a one-way ticket to, well, a drinking ticket. The bottom line is if you’re not 21 yet, you shouldn’t be in a bar. You should be paying your cousin to buy you beer like everyone else. Just kidding. But if you do decide to run the risk of an evening out, don’t advertise your status as an illegal drinker. Drinking tickets are costly and annoying, especially when you’re kicking yourself for taking the law into your own hands. The legal drinking age may seem like a long way away now, but trust me, it’s definitely worth the wait.
DON’T Drunk Text
Remember that feeling you get when you’ve had a few and you think you’re really funny? Well, you’re probably not. So put down your cellphone. Chances are you’re going to text your ex or someone else you wouldn’t give the time of day to when you’re sober. And because almost every phone comes equipped with some auto-correct feature, the party on the receiving end of any drunken tirade may not be able to tell the difference unless you start rambling about raccoons in the toilet. Unless you’re snapping pictures, keep your phone in your pocket and save yourself the trouble of explaining why you called your 80-year-old grandma at 3:30 a.m.
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