Dear Bar Bummers
Dear clingy girl,
We know you’ve had far too many vodka cranberries, but it’s clear to everyone in the room (but you) that this guy you’re hanging on wants nothing to do with you. You ask your friends how cute he is, and sadly, they all lie to you because they know he is genuinely uninterested. Still, you continue to grab his arm while you laugh and talk to his friends like they’re yours, all while he tries to escape your presence. Put the drink down and go home — alone.
Dear hopelessly sloppy boy,
You just tried to pay for your drinks using your CarolinaCard, so it’s time to go home. Most of the time, you’re at the bar completely alone, hanging on any girl you pass and buying rounds for everyone, even though you can’t afford it. When you wake up the next day, hopefully not in the gutters of Five Points, you and your friends will laugh off your blackout night, but the girl you spilled your entire beer on will loathe you forever.
Dear drunk Debbie Downer,
Please, tell us more about how you don’t want to be at this bar and you’d rather go to another to see more people. We all really enjoy hearing over and over again how this bar is weird and you don’t know anyone. Your pouting face makes us much more sympathetic to your plight. As much as we wanted to wait in line for 25 minutes just to leave five minutes after getting in, we absolutely did not. Suck it up, have a good time and maybe we’ll let you go to Pav’s later.
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