Dear New Year Annoyances
Dear Gym Jerks,
Good for you for wanting to get in shape for the new year, but those of us that have been going to Strom every day for the past semester are a little upset that all of a sudden the machines are filled day and night. And to make matters worse, you spend your time on level one of the elliptical machine, moving at a glacial pace while the rest of us impatiently wait for you to finish, so we can actually work out. If you have a full face of makeup and your hair is not tied back, ladies, Strom is not the place for you. Going to the gym is great, but let’s be honest, if you haven’t been going the past three years of college, why start now?
Dear Resolution Repeaters,
You say the same thing every year. We know what your resolution is, and you never stick to it. Stop telling us about your juice cleanse, because we all know by the end of the night you will probably be hiding in your car eating a Big Mac. Stop saying that you won’t text your ex anymore, because we all know that when Friday night comes around, he’ll be getting a few “I miss you” texts. If you want to tell yourself that you will stick to your resolutions, that’s fine, but please stop making our ears bleed with your nonsense.
Dear No Drama Nellies,
The house down the street could hear you and your friends toasting to a year with “no drama” at midnight. The only people who have unnecessary drama are the ones who talk about how they don’t want any more drama. We all know you are lying. You love the drama, and it is highly doubtful your new year will be drama-free, so please stop telling us about your easy, dramaless future.
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