Even for someone who almost exclusively watches ESPN, Fox Sports 1 and NFL Network, I can't escape the the slimy tentacles of the 2016 presidential election.
Politics aren't my realm, but with stories about Wikileaks and a steady stream of considerate and well-timed comments filtering out from The Donald, I can't help but feel presidential lately.
Again, I'm an outsider, but I think the root of America's anxiety about the upcoming election stems from the fact we won't be able to experience both of these candidates' greatness in the Oval Office. Down the road, can't you see Hilary's lovely mug etched out beside George Washington on Mount Rushmore? Maybe they will just knock the whole thing down to show her off in full pantsuit glory. By the way, I can totally envision Trump's majestic comb up there too, with a single paw caressing Lincoln's chiseled jaw.
Not so much? Well, at least we have the past to fall back on. Am I right, Gamecock football fans?
While political aficionados are looking to escape this election season, I am trying to distance myself from this 2016 football season. Watching Gamecocks' women's soccer is a good start, but for a further remedy, I am going take a stab at creating the South Carolina athletics' Mount Rushmore. I said I was feeling presidential.
Teddy Roosevelt — Steve Spurrier
Who else? Both were fashion icons. The Bull Moose carried a big stick, the Head Ball Coach donned a visor. Spurrier and Roosevelt shared an exuberant level of energy, were elite strategists and possessed a lion-like ferocity. Neither were afraid to ruffle a few feathers while they were at it.
Spurrier changed the culture around South Carolina football, busting up the traditional SEC dynamic with the Gamecocks' three straight 11-win seasons between 2011 and 2013. He will forever be one of the most beloved figure in South Carolina athletics.
Thomas Jefferson — Tommy Suggs
Like Jefferson, South Carolina legend Tommy Suggs is a man of many talents, a Renaissance man if you will. One of the true "Founding Fathers" of South Carolina football, Suggs has been the color analyst for Gamecock football on the radio for over 40 seasons. He also quarterbacked the Gamecocks to the 1969 ACC championship and is credited as the inspiration for the "2001" entrance, which he first witnessed at an Elvis concert.
George Washington — Dawn Staley
Washington was a legend by the time he took office, after winning the American Revolution and whatnot. Staley has also flourished in her second gig — transforming South Carolina's women's basketball into a perennial powerhouse after completing one of the most dominant careers in the history of the WNBA.
Staley is not only beloved in Gamecock nation, she is a true American treasure. In addition to her three Olympic gold medals, Staley serving as the torchbearer for the U.S. in the 2004 Olympics evokes images of Washington crossing the Delaware.
Also, George Rogers would be way too easy here.
Abe Lincoln — Ray Tanner
I am not even going to try to draw a parallel between Honest Abe and Tanner, but the former South Carolina baseball coach and current athletic director has had a monumental impact on Gamecock athletics. Tanner was named NCAA Coach of the Year in three different seasons and led the Gamecocks to a National Championship in 2010 and 2011.
Honorable Mentions: Alex English, George Rogers, Todd Ellis, Jackie Bradley, Frank McGuire, Marcus Lattimore, Dawn Ellerbe.