This article is part of The Daily Gamecock's April Fools' edition. It is not real.
Walt Disney Pictures has officially hit rock bottom. After their most recent box office bombs "Mars Needs Moms" (2011) and "John Carter" (2012), the studio has become desperate to recover from their financial losses caused by the production of these films. Disney recently decided to take some of the ideas that originally were tossed into the scum bucket and actually give them a chance. Most of the films currently in production already look very promising and it seems Disney has really put some careful consideration into each of these projects. Here are some of the films that audiences can look forward to:
"Super Mario Bros."
That's right. That mustachioed, slightly obese plumber we all love will soon have his own high-jumping, fireball-shooting, green dinosaur riding, turtle shell stomping and princess rescuing adventure on the big screen. Disney recently bought the rights from Nintendo to begin production of this potential summer blockbuster. Casting for the movie already looks great with Danny Devito playing Mario, Pamela Anderson as Princess Peach, James Franco as Luigi and Lawrence Fishburne playing Bowser. Michael Bay surprised everyone when he said that this movie will not be filled with giant robots, explosions and deafening sound effects. Instead, Bay drew inspiration from "Twilight" and decided to make this a romantic drama with a love triangle between Mario, Luigi and Peach.
"Bob the Builder"
"Can I fix it? No, I can't." That is Bob the Builder's new catchphrase as Disney moves forward with its dark take on the cheerful children's show. Bob is now in his late 70s and spends his days drinking scotch at his bar, "The Hammer and Nail." He drinks to drown the memories of his failed attempt to build a tree house for his son. Having lost the motivation to build anything, Bob has given up his life of construction work, until his friends and family try to inspire him to finish that tree house and reclaim his dignity. Clint Eastwood is already in talks with Walt Disney Pictures to both direct the movie and star as Bob.
A Sacha Baron Cohen movie
From "Borat" to "Bruno," Sacha Baron Cohen has played some pretty unorthodox characters in his acting career. But his latest role will be his most unorthodox yet: a fairy tale prince who accidentally finds himself in the real world. After the success of "Enchanted" (2007), Disney thought up the brilliant idea to make a movie with a similar concept, but make it a mockumentary. Cohen plays Prince Dave who finds himself in real-life New York City. A real fish out of water, Prince Dave reluctantly gets involved in the vulgarities of nightlife in the big city such as prostitution, drugs, alcohol and gang violence. Cohen promises to preserve family sensibilities so the film can be viewable for audiences of all ages.
A Victoria's Secret Pixar story
John Lasseter said the idea for this movie came to him when he saw Rosie Huntington Whitely's performance from "Transformers: Dark of the Moon." So, he asked Whitely if she would be interested in providing the lead voice for Pixar's latest project, "Lingerie." The story follows the adventure of Heidi, the sweetest, most beautiful woman in all of fairy tale land who holds a lingerie fashion show. Her real dream is to sing on stage, but her mother and father disapprove. Lasseter says the movie will be "Burlesque" meets "The Little Mermaid" and critics are already saying that Heidi is the next Disney character to join the line of great Disney princesses.
"Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" in 3D
Disney has already found success in re-releasing some of its classic animated films, "The Lion King" and "Beauty and the Beast," in 3-D. Now, the studio is re-releasing one of its oldest and most beloved animated films of all time: "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs." Since the 3-D releases turned out to be much better than the originals, audiences can seriously expect this re-release to be a visual treat for children and adults who grew up with the original.